As managers, one of our core responsibilities is developing our teams. Although we don’t want to be constantly directing team members, time pressure often leads us to default to a more directive leadership style. While this may produce quick results, it often comes at the cost of long-term growth and engagement.
What we really want is for our team members to become more self-aware, able to assess their own performance and understand how they can contribute to the team’s success. That’s where a coaching approach comes in.
I was reminded of this during a final role-play session for a coaching program I co-developed. Managers practiced coaching conversations based on earlier training, and I played the “team member” needing support with a specific issue.
Two challenges stood out:
- Difficulty using open-ended questions to explore the root cause of an issue.
- A tendency to fill silence rather than letting it support deeper reflection.
These habits often caused conversations to revert to a directive style, missing the chance to build ownership and insight.
Why Coaching Matters in 1:1s
When managers rely on telling rather than asking, they limit team members’ development. Even using coaching techniques occasionally can:
- Encourage ownership and accountability
- Strengthen problem-solving skills
- Improve engagement and trust
The Power of Open-Ended Questions
In many role plays, managers defaulted to yes/no questions that limited my response. Open-ended questions invite reflection and lead to more valuable dialogue.
A key coaching technique is probing: ask a follow-up question five times to go deeper and uncover the real issue.
Example: Topic = Employee Engagement
- “What part of your work do you find most energizing?”
- “What’s been frustrating you lately?”
- “What would be an example of when you felt disengaged?”
- “How do you usually respond when you start feeling disengaged?”
- “What would help you feel more supported or motivated?”
Focus on questions starting with what, how, or prompts like “Please elaborate on…” The more you ask, the more you learn—and the more empowered your team member becomes.
Probing in Practice: A Lesson from Theme Park Surveys
Early in my career, I worked at a firm that ran surveys in a theme park. In the final survey, as guests exited, probing was essential. We needed researchers to dig deeper, but most stopped after one or two questions. The result? Shallow insights.
The same holds true for managers. If you stop probing too soon, you risk missing what really matters. Behavior has context, understanding it is the first step to changing it.
Leveraging Silence: The Underrated Coaching Tool
Another challenge I observed was a tendency to fill silence. Managers often feel pressure to keep the conversation moving, but silence can be a powerful coaching ally.
When a team member pauses, resist the urge to jump in. That space is where thinking happens. Try silently counting to ten, it gives time for reflection and signals that you’re truly listening.
Over time, this builds trust and encourages deeper, more open conversations.
A Simple Coaching Framework for 1:1s
Try this 6-step structure in your next 1:1:
- Start with an open-ended question
“How have things been going with [topic]?” - Follow up with curiosity (Ask Five Times)
“Tell me more about that.”
“What do you think is behind that?” etc.
(Tip: Formulate your follow-up questions based on the responses you receive.) - Pause. Embrace silence.
Wait. Don’t interrupt. Let them reflect. - Reflect and support
“It sounds like [summary]. What are some ways you might approach this?”
“What are some other approaches you could try?” - Develop next steps or strategy
“Of the approaches we discussed, which approach feels most practical to you?”
(Tip: You can add your own input to shape a realistic and mutually acceptable solution.) - Confirm the action plan
“To make sure we’re aligned, what steps will you have taken by our next 1:1?”
Final Thoughts: From Manager to Coach
You don’t need to be a certified coach to use coaching skills. A few small shifts—asking better questions, probing more deeply, and embracing silence, can make a big difference in how you lead.
Next time you’re in a 1:1, try one or two of these techniques. Ask one more question than usual. Pause a little longer than feels comfortable. You might be surprised by what you learn.
What do you think?
Have you tried using coaching skills in your 1:1s? What helped or got in the way?
And if you’re looking for coaching to enhance your leadership effectiveness or training to build your assertive communication skills, contact me here. Let’s work together to better our teams!
